he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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