My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
