I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
