I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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