after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
