I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I will die if light touches me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
