hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
