and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
