I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
