So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so much tequila, so little girl.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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