They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
