Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
