I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
