The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
