I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
