He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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