Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
