And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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