why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize