i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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