oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
why is half of my head shaved?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
