Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
