There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
