How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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