Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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