We got so high we made milksteak
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
