You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
