I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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