Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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