trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
