she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
