Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
