I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
whose parrot is this?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
