i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
