Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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