Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
