I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
