Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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