I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
