is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
