no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize