Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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