I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
