Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you would pick up someone in the library
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
