My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
