Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
