Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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