I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
