Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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