My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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