i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
