Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
