My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
