Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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