pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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