Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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