you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize