She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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