HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
