Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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