Your tits are I can't wait for
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
