Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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