your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
