Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize