so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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