Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
