Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
